


Louder than Words

by Fruipit



Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: Deaf Character, F/F, Physical Disability, deaf!Elsa, slightly angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-11-18 10:06:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11289054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fruipit/pseuds/Fruipit
Summary: Anna has a good time with a girl she met at a bar, and soon they're chatting like old friends – or lovers. Everything's great. Except... she kinda missed something important about her new friend.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story idea I've had in mind for, oh... three years or so? It has changed considerably since then, but the main idea has stayed the same. This was written for Elsanna Week June 2017, though I completely ignored the prompts they gave because I didn't like them. I hope you enjoy!

The club was thumping and Anna wasn’t honestly having a great time. She was definitely on her way to tipsy, but this really wasn’t the best decisions for a ‘first date’. Particularly not from a _Tinder_ first date.

She was currently hiding from the “gentleman” who had so kindly offered to buy her drinks. And then gotten upset when she didn’t want to sleep with him. Ah, fuck that. She didn’t owe him anything – especially not her body. He’d stalked off and she’d retreated to a slightly-quieter-but-still-really-loud section of the club. Over here people were mostly drinking in silence (either on their own or in a group), or they were getting very handsy with one another.

The only exception was another girl, perhaps her own age, nursing a glass of wine and her head stuck in her phone. Well, there was no reason she couldn’t try and salvage some of the evening.

Making her way over to the girl, Anna was struck by just how gorgeous she was. How she’d convinced anyone to leave her alone was beyond Anna – she’d never met anyone with such blond hair and smooth skin. Clear blue eyes, which Anna was a bit surprised to see directed her way.

Oh god and then that smile. Anna lifted a hand and pointed at herself, and the girl bit her lip and nodded. In what was probably an incredibly dreamy way, she moved towards the girl, landing heavily next to her.

“HI I’M ANNA,” she shouted above the music. The girl just frowned and lifted one hand, pointing at herself first before moving to her ear. It dragged towards her mouth and the meaning was very clear: “What are you saying we’re in a club how am I supposed to hear you?”

Right. Music. Probably not good for conversation. Instead Anna smiled and pointed at their drinks and then at the bar. The girl’s face morphed into a confused frown for just a second before she smiled and shook her head. Instead, she knocked back the remainder of her cocktail and cocked her head towards the mass of writhing bodies out on the floor. Perhaps it was better that she turned down the drink, because when she asked, “Wa’ da’ss,” she definitely sounded like she’d had a fair bit.

Despite that, she moved with all the grace and poise of someone who _hadn’t_ just downed half a cocktail in one gulp (let alone likely more) as she pulled Anna towards the floor. Eyes alight, she let Anna do the leading, and by the time they actually reached the dancefloor they were holding hands and already sweating and bright red – something that couldn’t just be attributed to the heat of the crowd.

The best part about drunk dancing, Anna mused at one point, was that you didn’t have to be _good_ , you just needed to try. She wasn’t a very good dancer. She’d accepted that. Neither was her partner. She seemed not to be aware of the distance between herself and anyone else (which was _not_ something Anna was going to complain about, pressed against her as she was). Her hands strayed, but never anywhere super inappropriate. It wasn’t long before they were facing each other, chest-to-chest, eyes burning.

Anna really, really wanted to kiss her.

It seemed the girl was of the same mind, because barely had the thought crossed her mind; barely had her tongue poked out and her eyes strayed to the girl’s lips, before they were kissing.

It was hot. And messy. And unpractised.

But god it still felt so good. There was a moan and Anna had no idea whose it was, but it only spurned her on further. She broke away only long enough to look at the door. She couldn’t find it to yell above the music, but her meaning must have been very clear when she whispered, “Wanna get out of here?”

It seemed her partner had the same idea.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> day two :) this one is slightly nsfw – not graphic, but somewhat detailed discussion of it.

Sex, for Anna, was usually a pretty easy affair. She had no qualms about her body, nor about her likes (in regards to people, and with the fun they could have). Trying new things was the spice of life, and that extended to the bedroom.

Which was why she was thinking about just how… unadventurous the previous night had been.

Not that it was boring! Far from it! But usually her routine would involve giving or getting head, and then the actual, like, act. Usually for some times and utilising various positions. She had a few strap-ons to choose from, always clean and ready to go. And if her partner didn’t need one, well, variety flavoured condoms were good no matter who was wearing them.

But this girl… it was different. It wasn’t messy. It wasn’t loud. She was expressive, but in her body, not her words.

And she loved watching. That was the strangest thing.

Anna’s usual hookups were in dark places – bathrooms and in cars. Not often her own bedroom, but this time she’d made an exception. And hoo boy had it been worth it. Never had she had such a receptive partner. Never had her partner sobbed as she came, the pleasure simply overwhelming. Anna’s heard had filled with pride in that moment, and it had only made her hungry for more. They didn’t speak, but they didn’t need to – and honestly, who had a conversation with a fling like this?

No, the gasps and cries that erupted from their lips were more than enough.

Falling asleep with this girl still kissing her, running bruised lips against a collarbone coloured by a thousand hickeys, was just the icing on a very, very delicious cake.

When she woke up, hours later, she wondered only briefly whether she’d made a mistake or not.

She wanted to get up – make sure her computer was still where it should be. That none of her textbooks had been stolen, nor her signed picture of Morena Baccarin.

The delightful ache in her muscles kept her in bed, squinting at the ceiling.

Holy hell.

The blanket had been thrown askew, leaving her covered just by a thin top sheet. The sunlight streamed in through the cracks in the blinds, landing next to her on the pillow and giving no indication of the actual time.

Grumbling, Anna turned over, prepared to fall back asleep, when something caught the light and blinded her. Letting out a groan, she clutched at her head, sitting up. Grasping blindly at the source, her fingers curled around a small piece of… paper?

Bringing it to her face, it took a few moments for Anna to recognise the writing there. When she did, her eyes widened, headache forgotten.

_text me xx_

_—elsa_

* * *

Sex, for Elsa, was usually a rather messy affair. And not always in the fun way – or, not always in _her_ fun way. There had been blood before, which wasn’t her particular kink. She liked fingernails scratching down her back, desperate to pull her closer. She liked taste and scent and touch, and the ever-present – _blinding_ – need to be closer.

So when this girl all but pushed her against the bed and _took_ her, touching everywhere until every inch of her skin was tender and and sensitive, it was everything she’d ever dreamed.

When hickeys were burned into her flesh and she was crying out, her pleasure dripping onto the sheets and tears leaking from her eyes. Well. She’d found heaven in that moment.

And when her partner had just kissed the tears away, brushing sweet-stained lips against her own, it had just made her want to cry again.

It hadn’t been her first foray into sex, but it had been the most rewarding.

When she’d awoken, far too early for her liking, it had been painful to leave. Not just physically, though that had been part of it. Her thighs burned with every step, and her stomach protested sitting up, the muscles stretched and achy.

No, some small part of it was emotional, too. She gazed at the woman still asleep next to her. Already bruises were forming, on her chest and on her throat. The sight of them filled Elsa with something – some small satisfaction that she had been the one to leave them, coupled with sadness that she wouldn’t get to do it again.

So she’d left a small note with her number and her name, low expectations to ever hear back from the woman she’s shared such an experience with.

That was why, six hours later, the flash of her phone was so unexpected.

_uh. hey. so u left ur number n honestly i dont usually do this but i thought ‘y not’. um. my name is anna. we spent the night together. so um. hi._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soz so short but honestly these chapters weren't written to be long anyway. maybe i'll go back and edit at some point *shrugs*

That single message spurned so many more. For the first time in… well, forever, really, Anna had found someone she could actually  _connect_  with. And Elsa… Elsa was something else.

She was smart. She worked in an office, apparently, but she was also studying long-distance to become a nurse.

 _i just like helping people_ , she’d said when Anna had asked.

They’d discussed things like that. Favourite films and books – Elsa was a huge reader, not so much a movie-goer – to things such as family and ambitions.

Anna had been the first one to ask for a picture, and was not disappointed when Elsa sent an adorable one of her, smiling softly at the camera with one hand brushing hair behind her ear.

Not all of their conversations – or pictures – were so innocent. That, though, was somewhat to be expected. Their relationship had, after all, begun with sex.

That was the other thing; Elsa was  _fantastic_  at dirty messages. And dirty pictures. God, is that sexting?? She would always include just enough to give Anna an idea, but to also just leave her wanting.

And she wanted. Bad.

But she also wanted more than just sex. Elsa was smart and funny and Anna realised, barely a week after they had first begun texting, that she wanted to pursue this – wherever it went.

_heya wanna maybe catch up again? like for coffee or smthn?_

The reply took forever, but that may have been just Anna’s impatience. When Elsa finally did respond, Anna had to bite her lip to stop from grinning manically.

_sure. how about a picnic this weekend? leave it all to me_

Anna couldn’t hold back the smile when the second message came through – and truthfully, she didn’t want to.

_can’t wait xx_


	4. Chapter 4

It took Anna all of two minutes to decide that nothing in her wardrobe was suitable and that she absolutely needed to go shopping.

Something bright. And fun. And suitable for a picnic.

Would a dress be suitable?

After doing a quick Google, she came to two conclusions: yes, a dress was suitable. And flannel. Not that she was against flannel but she didn’t particularly want to blend in with the picnic rug.

Also maybe Elsa was going to wear flannel? Was she the sort of person to wear flannel? Anna didn’t even know where her interests lay because they’d both studiously ignored the topic of sexuality. It didn’t matter. They liked each other and that was enough. Anna had yet to find a label that fit her, so she was certainly not going to make Elsa share.

They still kept up texting everyday (sometimes more than once. For hours…), and the mere fact that soon Anna would be meeting her –  _actually_  meeting her, not shouting above club music before making their own – set a delighted thrill down her spine.

It was ridiculous, but she was so excited that the night before she literally couldn’t sleep. The last time she hadn’t been able to sleep was Christmas when she was seven. The next year the magic had been ruined and who really cared anyway?

But a proper date, that was enough to keep her tossing and turning. Her dreams, when she did manage to sleep, were full of Elsa. What they might do (in public and in private).

They were meeting at 10 at a place along the river. Anna had never been but apparently it was the perfect place for families to go on the weekends – restaurants and playgrounds and ducks abound. She had to catch a train to get there, which meant that (for what was probably the first time in her life), Anna was  _early._ Which was stupid because Elsa probably wasn’t even here yet, so she just ended up checking her make-up and meandering along the river for half an hour before making her way inland.

Elsa had set up on a little hill. It was by no means secluded, but perhaps that was for the best. It wasn’t crowded, not by any stretch of the word, but enough people were moving about that it was a safe place to have a first meeting.

Not that Anna didn’t trust Elsa. It was just… hmm.

It took her ages to actually locate Elsa and the small picnic rug she’d laid out. Gosh there was even a wicker basket, too, with the non-disposable plastic plates and cups and cutlery.

And there was Elsa, grinning and waving at her. Anna felt her heart melt just a little at the sight. Elsa wasn’t wearing flannel (though the blanket was a bright checkered-red – thank heaven’s Anna hadn’t, either). She had a pretty floral shirt on, spaghetti straps showing off pale shoulders. Wearing tiny little denim shorts and her hair falling to just below her shoulders, she was just a picture of relaxation. As Anna got closer, she noted a soft splash of pink in her cheeks (and on her lips), her bright blue eyes frames by a glittering purple eyeshadow.

She suddenly felt very self-conscious. That feeling only exploded when Elsa offered a small, soft, “Hi.”

“Hi- hi  _me?_ ” Anna asked, eyes widening. Elsa nodded, a smile appearing on her features. That was pretty much the end of Anna’s self-control as she launched into some spiel including how beautiful Elsa looked, how nice the food smelled – “I love sandwiches, aren’t they great?” – and she was pretty sure there was something about chocolate. Elsa didn’t even interrupt to stop her, which Anna was sort of grateful. She hoped she hadn’t scared her new friend away.

When she was able to look at Elsa again, her gaze having dropped progressively as she  _could not get her mouth to shut up_ , she noticed the other girl smiling. Still! Actually, it was more than a smile, it was a little giggle, too. Quiet as well, but undoubtedly there. She made a gesture with her hands and picked up the plastic glasses. “Drink?” There was a hint of something in her voice, and the thought of Elsa still having a laugh to herself about it filled Anna with something akin to pride.

It deflated rather rapidly, at the same time that the blood drained from her face and her heart dripped to her shoes, when Elsa leaned forward. Eyes wide, Anna found them trained on the side of Elsa’s head, to the little implant stuck above her hair and connected to the back of her ear. How did she miss that?

She looked away quickly when Elsa handed her a drink of something sparkling. “No’ alc'lic,” she said, still smiling.

It took a concentrated effort for Anna to return it, and that was honestly the worst feeling in the world.


	5. Chapter 5

The food was delicious. The sparkling apple juice was perfectly chilled. The date… was a disappointment. And it wasn’t because of Elsa.

Anna hadn’t been able to really concentrate since Elsa had poured her drink. She wished it were alcoholic, before realising that her uninhibited self was probably not a good option at the moment.

The worst part – worse than the feeling she’d had when she first realised – was the fact that  _Elsa_  knew.

She  _knew_.

She knew and she was still trying to enjoy herself, to make sure Anna was enjoying herself. She’d obviously thought that Anna had known, and truth be told, she should have. The text-no-phone-calls. Even way back at the club, the first thing Elsa had done – the thing Anna had thought was a drunken gesture wasn’t that, it was a purposeful sign to tell Anna something.

 _I’m deaf_.

God she felt so stupid.

She had to excuse herself briefly, citing a need to pee but actually going in to cry for a few minutes because this wasn’t what she’d expected.

She still liked Elsa. Really, really liked her.  _Liked_ -liked her. And Elsa was just so tactile. She’d tap Anna on the shoulder or the wrist to get her attention. She laughed and smiled like there was no tomorrow, equally because she was happy and also, Anna suspected, to cover from the hurt when it became obvious she hadn’t been what Anna was expecting.

But God they couldn’t even talk to each other. Not really. Elsa’s speech was… not great, and Anna couldn’t sign. She was lucky that Elsa could understand her most of the time, but by mid-afternoon it was so packed that she was having difficulty.

So, in the quiet she could hear quite well. It was when if got louder –  _vacuum loud_ , Elsa had said, and it sounded to Anna like she had a bad lisp and a mouth full of cotton – it made it hard to distinguish sounds. In these moments, Elsa reverted back to sign, probably hoping that Anna could at least understand some of it.

She couldn’t.

And while the last thing she wanted to do was cut the date short – as far as she knew, Elsa had planned for them to spend the whole day together – she just. She couldn’t. She couldn’t do it.

So she feigned a yawn and faked a smile, trying to ignore the way Elsa’s face fell, only to be swiftly covered up.

“I’ll text you,” Anna said.

Elsa smiled, and said something that sounded like, ‘can’t wait’, fingers moving but the meaning unclear. She leaned forward, and Anna knew what she wanted. It was in her body language –  _why_ did she have to be so expressive? – and the way her eye kept darting, from Anna’s eyes to her lips and back again.

When she moved her hands, it was very deliberate. She pointed to herself before lifting her hand, shaping it like a duck’s beak and tapping the edge of her mouth with her fingers. Elsa pursed her lips briefly as she did so before moving her hand up towards her cheek.

And then she pointed at Anna.

The meaning was clear, even without knowing sign.

Swallowing, Anna nodded, the shaky motion not really inspiring confidence. Perhaps that was why Elsa didn’t linger. She leaned forward, pressing her lips against the corner of Anna’s. Their eyes drifted shut, and in that single moment, a peace – a  _clarity_  – came across Anna.

So she moved, just a little, so she could kiss Elsa full on the mouth. Her hands came to tangle at the base of her neck, and there they stayed until the kiss was broken. Elsa’s hands had come to rest at Anna’s hips, gripping the fabric tightly.

And then Anna was backing away, fingers moving up and down in a wave.

She wondered whether Elsa would remember what she said, that she’d text her. Closing her eyes, she shook her head a fraction. She would. Of course she would.

Goddamn.


	6. Chapter 6

The first thing Anna did when she got home was mull.

She had plenty of time on the train, but this was different. She just sat on her living room couch and thought. It could be ten minutes or it could be an hour. Either way, by the time her mind finished running through everything she did today – and running through everything  _Elsa_  did since they had met – she was hungry and angry. She could only imagine Elsa felt the same.

* * *

Elsa did not feel the same. She wasn’t hungry. In fact, she didn’t really have an appetite at all. And she certainly wasn’t angry. Sad, or heartbroken, would have been better words to describe how she felt.

As soon as she got home, she pulled on her pyjamas and her dressing gown, made a cup of tea, and sat on her bed. The TV was on, but it wasn’t anything Elsa was interested in.

It just made her feel less lonely.

Usually, it made her feel more normal, too. After all, everyone had a television, and she  _did_  enjoy watching it. Subtitles on, of course, but it was still an activity that she could do with anyone, regardless of their own ability, or lack thereof, to hear.

Hadn’t she made it clear enough? She’d come out and said it, at their very first meeting! Hadn’t Anna thought it odd that they only ever texted?

Evidently not.

Anna  _had_  stayed until the end, mostly. That was a good sign, right? Sure, the day ended a little earlier than planned, but Anna didn’t just get up and leave.

It had happened before.

So Elsa held onto the kiss, and the last thing Anna had said.

She’d promised to text. Elsa just had to have faith that she would.

* * *

Anna spent a week barely there. She didn’t want to- what was it?  _ghost_  Elsa, but neither was she really sure how to interact with her.

She’d made good. She had texted. Two days later. With a simple, “hey how r u?” that had her cringing even before she’d pressed send. The reply had been almost instantaneous, which had only made her feel worse.

It was just… how was she supposed to proceed?

Naturally, she took to the internet. It was no help at all.

Skeevy reddit threads and weird forums – and she  _knew_  she’d regret clicking on that Cosmo link, and she totally did. She was almost too terrified to try YouTube, but this couldn’t have been a complete waste of time; she refused to let it.

And then she saw something she hadn’t been expecting. Or rather, some _one_.

Elsa.

Oh god the girl she dated had her own YouTube channel. And, looking at her playlists, was also reasonably active – holy hell, there were like. A hundred videos. The number of subscribers was nothing to scoff at, either. Biting her lip, Anna clicked on the very first video.

The first thing she noticed was how much younger Elsa looked. She would have been at east three or four years younger, probably just out of her teens. She looked gorgeous. Her hair was black (and now Anna wasn’t sure what her real hair colour was – black or blonde?), styled so that little wisps stuck up behind her crown. She was wearing comfy clothes, a little white kitten crawling up and around her shoulders.

Thankfully, there were captions at the bottom. Elsa was talking about herself – her name, her job. And then she said something that really intrigued Anna.

_‘I am doing this mostly to keep a record of how my life changes once I get my implant. The operation is scheduled for a month from now, though there’s no guarantee it’s going to be everything I hoped for.’_

That explained some things. It certainly explained why Elsa’s speech was so… different. Swallowing, Anna closed that tab and began scrolling through the other videos, looking for the most recent one.

It was dated to a few days before their date, and Anna was pretty sure she didn’t want to see it.

She pressed play.

It was the same Elsa. Her room had changed, and instead of a kitten, a fluffy white cat sat on her lap, eyes closed contentedly.

' _Hi, everyone! I know, it’s been a little while,'_ Elsa was saying. Anna’s eyes were transfixed on her face. There was so much expression in such a small area. Anna had the feeling that, if they were to play poker, Elsa wouldn’t stand a chance. ' _So, I told you about my, er, club experience. The speech therapist was pretty happy that I’d actually gone out, even if we didn’t really talk.'_  Here she paused, just long enough to give a little wink. Anna blushed.

' _So, we’ve been texting and there’s a date planned. An actual date. We haven’t actually discussed, er, me. Hopefully we’ll still be able to communicate. That’s the hardest part – it’s been what, four years since I got the implant, but I’m still not perfect. The machine isn’t infallible.’_  Her mouth twisted for just a second, hiding what looked like a smirk.  _'From what I could hear, she has a very pretty voice. But what if it’s too loud and I have trouble? What if she can’t understand me? I never… dating is hard. And when a lot of dating boils down to communication, that just makes it harder because there’s an extra step. Anyway… I’m sure it’ll go fine. We’ve been texting pretty much non-stop. I’ll be sure to let you all know how it goes. Bye-bye , and thanks for watching!'_

Bringing her hand up, she blew the camera a kiss before the clip ended, advertising some of her other videos – including some to learn American Sign Language. Eyes falling to the comments, Anna was honestly astounded at the number of, well, nice ones. They were all encouraging, wishing her good luck.

Mind set, Anna knew what she had to do.


	7. Chapter 7

When Anna suggested meeting up again, Elsa wasn’t entirely sure how to answer.

It’d been almost a month since that disastrous first meeting, and conversations between the two of them had been… sporadic.

 _‘im so sorry i just have some things on atm_ ’ Anna had texted when Elsa brought it up. It left a sinking feeling in her heart, but at least Anna was still texting.

So, she’d agreed. They planned to meet that Saturday at a little café. It was close to where they’d had the picnic, only now Anna was planning it. There was just one thing Elsa had to do.

She needed to write a letter.

* * *

Anna was early again, though this time she had meant for it. Half an hour was plenty of time to panic and think about how exactly she was going to do it. Her mind went through everything she’d learnt in the preceding weeks – things about Elsa, and the Deaf community in general.

Would- would her efforts be enough?

When Elsa finally arrived, she didn’t seem to notice Anna straight away. She stepped through the door, little bell tinkling above her as she looked around. As soon as she caught sight of the redhead, she seemed to relax, just a little. Not that she could have been called 'tense’ as such, but her posture seemed to slump a little, shoulders pressing back and opening up her chest.

Okay. So she’d been concerned Anna wouldn’t show. Good thing she had arrived early, then.

Slowly, Elsa approached the table. Anna tried to smile, but it wasn’t returned. Sliding into the seat opposite, Elsa placed something on the table. An… envelope?

When Anna didn’t immediately pick it up, Elsa pushed it closer to her. “F'oo,” she said, meaning clear. And just like when she watched Elsa’s clips, when Anna began reading, she was taken aback at just how intelligent Elsa is.

And she hated it, too; hated that she judges Elsa on how she sounds, not how she thinks. It’s not far to either of them, but Elsa especially. Really, it’s almost like Elsa knows two languages, technically – spoken English is definitely not native to her at all. And it’s stupid how Anna’s making it more of a thing than she should be; more of a thing than it truly is.

 _Anna,_  it said.  _I realise I am not what you were expecting. You were everything I was hoping for._

And on it continued. By the time she finished reading, Anna was tearing up. She put the letter down, her own words fleeing her mind. No. She had to say this.

Slowly, hesitantly, she raised her hands. The words are stilted, and some probably just plain wrong. Still, she tried; tried to keep her eyes on Elsa’s, because that’s what all the guides said to do. Tried not to fingerspell too much because that would make learning the actual words pointless.

It started by simply pointing to herself, then clenching her fist and rubbing it over her chest.  _'I’m sorry_.’ After that came the hard part. Explaining why she was sorry, why Elsa deserved better. She wasn’t even sure that Elsa could understand her – but then… that was probably how Elsa felt most of the time, too. By the time she finished, Elsa’s own eyes had filled with water.

But she was smiling. Said something that sounded like “You sign like child,” before giggling, a wet hiccup popping up at the end. ’ _You know sign_?’ she asked, moving to her own native language. At least Anna could understand  _that_  sentence.

’ _Little’_ , she responded.  _'Very not good. Want learn more_.’

Elsa smiled again, tilting her head.  _'I want—’_

Whatever she wanted was unfamiliar to Anna, and it must have shown on her face because Elsa tried again. Much slower, but still unrecognisable. Then she spelled it out, and Anna was struck dumb for a second.

’ _Want to go on a date?’_

Her only intention with this day had been to right the wrongs she’d introduced the previous time they’d met up. No matter her feelings for Elsa, she’d assumed the other girl wouldn’t want anything to do with her.

Not true, if she was willing to give Anna – give  _them_  a try.

Smiling shyly, Anna nodded. ’ _Date you?_ ’ she said, using the new sign she’d just learned. ’ _YES._ ’

Easy question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's all folks! i may, at some point, redo this fic and add more substance. for now, im happy with everything aside from the length.
> 
> i hope you all enjoyed it :)


End file.
